‘A narrative echoed in numerous households’: US parents of addicted kids relate to the Reiners – but fear judgment.

When the story surfaced that a prominent couple had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it brought addiction back into the national conversation. However, parents affected by a loved one’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been closely following the news. They were merely familiar with the Reiners professionally, yet they identify deeply: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After seven excruciating years, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a family member’s dependency, homelessness due to addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, were living with a substance use disorder in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story struck a chord with Greg, who leads a parent organization. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is worried that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become dangerous at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant social prejudice surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really dangerous and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against making assumptions about the reported involvement of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether drugs or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and substance use disorder, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything remotely close to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is significantly more likely to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he relapses, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get a phone call or that visit from authorities telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the terrifying calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—questioning whether the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; feeling responsible for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are can achieve recovery.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can get over this condition, too. You can heal and be successful,” said Grover. “If you try and you fail, you get up and try again.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll take it and take it.”